I am surprised by the amount of people who like to question my family's financial status by the question "do you HAVE to work"? At times I am appalled. Other times I'm surprised. We live in a world where two incomes is the normality not the rarity. That is why I am surprised to hear these questions being asked of me.
Maybe people feel like it is no big deal to ask if I really have to work. Yet, for me I wonder what do they really mean? Do they mean: "hey are you just killing time working on your career before you have kids and drop it all?" Or do they mean: "hey, why should you work, clearly your husband works, is that not enough money for you two?", or is it possible that they are saying: "common, everyone knows that your work is silly, why don't you just give up and be a stay at home wife!?"
Well in any way that it is meant, I am totally shocked an appalled. Firstly, if I haven't told you otherwise, my household income is none of your business. Secondly, I, like you have obligations and clearly those include me working! Thirdly, why are you sticking your nose into my business!!! If I have shared with you that I am currently unemployed and looking for a job, then what I am sharing with you is that if you can help me out that would be great! If you can't, then hey know that we are available for Shabbat meals!
Its not that I am wishing hate upon people that are interested in helping me out, I'm just shocked an appalled at the level of intimacy that people are willing to go into. Of course I cannot respond with none of your business. Or, are you kidding me, are you really asking me this! I usually respond in a clear, level headed way "We are great till the unemployment runs out, then not so much". My husband on the other hand had a great idea, "why don't you just tell people that you wouldn't need to work if they would like to pick up the tab for our mortgage". Even though I do agree with him, I still think it's kind of rude to answer this way, though these people have no mind about how rude they are in digging into my life.
I am in shock that this is even a question in our day in age where most women I know work. Some work because they have to. Some work because they want to participate in the family finance and want some extra cash to kick in. Some work because of the combination of those two reasons. I am sure there are many, many more reasons why women and men for that matter work. Yet, I do not think that it is anyone's business which of these reasons is true for me!
Showing posts with label complaining. Show all posts
Showing posts with label complaining. Show all posts
Monday, November 24, 2008
Monday, November 17, 2008
Instant Gratification
Coming from a generation of must have now, it is no wonder that I too as carefully as I try not to still fall into a cycle of Instant Gratification. Otherwise known as money wasting at its best!
When you want something quick and good you don’t want to wait for it. You don’t want to think about it, you just want it now. As children we were taught patients, as young adults that lesson is lost.
Yesterday falling under the MUST have it now category we went out for dinner. Was it a satisfying dinner? It was okay. The food was Okay, the service was okay, and it was marked with an okay feeling. Not one of hunger or desire or one of fullness and satisfaction it was just okay. For some people the price we paid for this feeling of blandness may not be that significant for others it might be overwhelming. For me it was a complete waste of money due in part to being an Instant gratification mongrel! I feel that I could have fed my family for a week on fruits and vegetables for what we paid for one meal. I feel that I have wasted! Maybe if the food was fantastic and the service incredible I would feel justified in spending money on it. But, since I’ve awoken with a feeling of guilt and started to speculate that truly it was not money well spent.
So, I embark on this new journey of not trying to be instantly gratified. I will try to make time for cooking, and preparing even more than what I do now. I will try not to run out of everything so that we have an excuse to go out. Most of all, I will try to learn the art of patience.
When you want something quick and good you don’t want to wait for it. You don’t want to think about it, you just want it now. As children we were taught patients, as young adults that lesson is lost.
Yesterday falling under the MUST have it now category we went out for dinner. Was it a satisfying dinner? It was okay. The food was Okay, the service was okay, and it was marked with an okay feeling. Not one of hunger or desire or one of fullness and satisfaction it was just okay. For some people the price we paid for this feeling of blandness may not be that significant for others it might be overwhelming. For me it was a complete waste of money due in part to being an Instant gratification mongrel! I feel that I could have fed my family for a week on fruits and vegetables for what we paid for one meal. I feel that I have wasted! Maybe if the food was fantastic and the service incredible I would feel justified in spending money on it. But, since I’ve awoken with a feeling of guilt and started to speculate that truly it was not money well spent.
So, I embark on this new journey of not trying to be instantly gratified. I will try to make time for cooking, and preparing even more than what I do now. I will try not to run out of everything so that we have an excuse to go out. Most of all, I will try to learn the art of patience.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Good People!
What does it mean to be a good person?
When a conversation ensues about good people, what is the exact definition? It is interesting to hear some people’s explanations of who a good person is. Some people say that a good person is one that gives tzedaka. Others say that it is one that upholds all the laws. Yet, there is not one concrete consensus on what makes a good person. I was conversing with my gentile co-worker and it came out about making donations and or contributions to our respective charities. It really intrigued me to find out that they do not donate to any organization regularly; still she said if someone needed the money then she would give it over. Though, as the conversation continued I realized that her initial blanket statement was partially false. What she meant by helping people out was by donating her used items of clothing, or other used goods. However, with all of that said and done she did say that she helps out the family, this statement she proved by dropping a few numbers. A roughly calculated estimate would say that she does not donate anywhere close to 10% though she probably does donate to family about 5%. So, with all of that said, does this make her a good person? She educates her children, raises them with manners and respect, pays taxes and is a law abiding citizen. Is she a good person?
In my opinion she is. She works hard, pays her dues and lives her life the way she chooses to. Yet, if she was of the Jewish faith we would criticize this person to no end. She does not send her kids to a private school, she eats out all the time, and she doesn’t give enough charity. So, how could this person possibly be good?
Is it possible that our understanding of good and bad is skewed? Is it possible that we give more heed to someone wearing the garb but not practicing the basic principals of being a good person. Is it possible that we are too critical, to judgmental and too closed minded for our own good? I think that the answer is yes to all of the fore mentioned questions. I think that in the orthodox circles we feel that we are better than everyone else even though we do not show that off, even though we do not act the way that we should. There have been so many times where I hear two friends talking about religion and religious obligation; I hear them get so specific about one point that they lose sight of the big picture. When two friends are talking about being tznius and are going into so much depth about the length of a skirt or the color of a yarmulke and then turn around and speak loshon hora it makes me feel like I don’t want to associate or be associated with anything that the two women stand for. People are such hypocrites that they don’t see what they are doing to themselves, their family members or anyone else around them.
So does this mean that the hypocrites are bad people and everyone that lives their lives properly isn’t? If so, then what is the definition of proper? If the orthodox way of life is supposed to be proper, righteous, and overall good then why are so many of the orthodox people the exact opposite of everything listed? Why pretend to be something and somebody that a person is definitely not? Why not just live the way that you want to without having need or necessity to keep up an image and feel like an impostor?
I guess for now, all we can do is live our lives so that they are the best for ourselves and our families.
When a conversation ensues about good people, what is the exact definition? It is interesting to hear some people’s explanations of who a good person is. Some people say that a good person is one that gives tzedaka. Others say that it is one that upholds all the laws. Yet, there is not one concrete consensus on what makes a good person. I was conversing with my gentile co-worker and it came out about making donations and or contributions to our respective charities. It really intrigued me to find out that they do not donate to any organization regularly; still she said if someone needed the money then she would give it over. Though, as the conversation continued I realized that her initial blanket statement was partially false. What she meant by helping people out was by donating her used items of clothing, or other used goods. However, with all of that said and done she did say that she helps out the family, this statement she proved by dropping a few numbers. A roughly calculated estimate would say that she does not donate anywhere close to 10% though she probably does donate to family about 5%. So, with all of that said, does this make her a good person? She educates her children, raises them with manners and respect, pays taxes and is a law abiding citizen. Is she a good person?
In my opinion she is. She works hard, pays her dues and lives her life the way she chooses to. Yet, if she was of the Jewish faith we would criticize this person to no end. She does not send her kids to a private school, she eats out all the time, and she doesn’t give enough charity. So, how could this person possibly be good?
Is it possible that our understanding of good and bad is skewed? Is it possible that we give more heed to someone wearing the garb but not practicing the basic principals of being a good person. Is it possible that we are too critical, to judgmental and too closed minded for our own good? I think that the answer is yes to all of the fore mentioned questions. I think that in the orthodox circles we feel that we are better than everyone else even though we do not show that off, even though we do not act the way that we should. There have been so many times where I hear two friends talking about religion and religious obligation; I hear them get so specific about one point that they lose sight of the big picture. When two friends are talking about being tznius and are going into so much depth about the length of a skirt or the color of a yarmulke and then turn around and speak loshon hora it makes me feel like I don’t want to associate or be associated with anything that the two women stand for. People are such hypocrites that they don’t see what they are doing to themselves, their family members or anyone else around them.
So does this mean that the hypocrites are bad people and everyone that lives their lives properly isn’t? If so, then what is the definition of proper? If the orthodox way of life is supposed to be proper, righteous, and overall good then why are so many of the orthodox people the exact opposite of everything listed? Why pretend to be something and somebody that a person is definitely not? Why not just live the way that you want to without having need or necessity to keep up an image and feel like an impostor?
I guess for now, all we can do is live our lives so that they are the best for ourselves and our families.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Can Pack rats complain?
I’m not saying that one cannot be a packrat; I’m just saying that I don’t want to hear your whining and complaining about money problems. Some examples of this ignorant behavior are people that collect things. Why on earth would anyone collect Barbie’s? They are worthless now and they will be worthless later. Overly decorating the house, to the point where brand new things stay in their packaging for YEARS…tell me that’s not money wasted? What of the people that their houses are so cluttered with junk they have no idea what they have…so when in doubt they just buy more!
Where does this rant come from? Well upon hearing a friends complaint that they were having money problems I politely suggested that this friend not go shopping for clothing (2 sizes too small anyways) and save that money. I also suggested selling off some of the junk stuff they own. Well, this friend got so upset and irate that I understood that they have deep psychological issues. If you feel that your shopping habits are more important then providing a good family environment for your kids then you are crazy. Part of the good family environment would include not having fights over money with your husband who doesn’t see why you need 4 salt and pepper shaker sets. I happen to agree, you really only need one.
Well now that I am a traitor I figure I’d vent.
Enjoy~!
Where does this rant come from? Well upon hearing a friends complaint that they were having money problems I politely suggested that this friend not go shopping for clothing (2 sizes too small anyways) and save that money. I also suggested selling off some of the junk stuff they own. Well, this friend got so upset and irate that I understood that they have deep psychological issues. If you feel that your shopping habits are more important then providing a good family environment for your kids then you are crazy. Part of the good family environment would include not having fights over money with your husband who doesn’t see why you need 4 salt and pepper shaker sets. I happen to agree, you really only need one.
Well now that I am a traitor I figure I’d vent.
Enjoy~!
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