People and Hate

There will always be people in this world that do not like you.
There could be many reasons for this dislike, and there could be none at all. You could be friends with everyone you know...and yet there will be people that dislike you. Its just a part of life, you cannot please everyone all the time.

Just saying.

Why technologists are awesome!

Well its been about a month in the new job. Yay. I guess they'll keep me for a little while longer. Because this company is wicked cool we have a lot of technologists. They do the dirty work for you. I like that. Well, there are a few chemicals that I work with that are a weee bit dangerous to the healthy of women at certain points in their life. So, I let my technologist know that there has been some research done and this is what it found, he listened to all of the information. Then I gave him my formulations and he basically told me to get lost for about 30 minutes. I told him where I was going and when he was done with it all...he came and found me and let me know it was safe to come back. Anytime he works with the stuff he litter ally kicks me out of the lab. AWESOME!
One day last week I decided I needed to do some testing on my own. This guy (awesome) not only gives me the third degree but totally runs me off and tells me he'll take care of it. He is awesome and so concerned...truly touching.
Did I mention that my technologist is Palestinian decent? Oh yah, He is.
And Yeah, he knows I'm Jewish and that I keep kosher.
So, I suppose this goes to show if the person is good they will be good no matter what.
And yeah, this person...is good~!

Bonus!

As an employee you are an asset not an expense.
Not only is this true for us, it is also true for people that we employ.

Now, remember the holiday season is upon us. Like you, everyone likes getting bonuses. Keep this in mind this time of year.

Do you HAVE to work?

I am surprised by the amount of people who like to question my family's financial status by the question "do you HAVE to work"? At times I am appalled. Other times I'm surprised. We live in a world where two incomes is the normality not the rarity. That is why I am surprised to hear these questions being asked of me.
Maybe people feel like it is no big deal to ask if I really have to work. Yet, for me I wonder what do they really mean? Do they mean: "hey are you just killing time working on your career before you have kids and drop it all?" Or do they mean: "hey, why should you work, clearly your husband works, is that not enough money for you two?", or is it possible that they are saying: "common, everyone knows that your work is silly, why don't you just give up and be a stay at home wife!?"
Well in any way that it is meant, I am totally shocked an appalled. Firstly, if I haven't told you otherwise, my household income is none of your business. Secondly, I, like you have obligations and clearly those include me working! Thirdly, why are you sticking your nose into my business!!! If I have shared with you that I am currently unemployed and looking for a job, then what I am sharing with you is that if you can help me out that would be great! If you can't, then hey know that we are available for Shabbat meals!
Its not that I am wishing hate upon people that are interested in helping me out, I'm just shocked an appalled at the level of intimacy that people are willing to go into. Of course I cannot respond with none of your business. Or, are you kidding me, are you really asking me this! I usually respond in a clear, level headed way "We are great till the unemployment runs out, then not so much". My husband on the other hand had a great idea, "why don't you just tell people that you wouldn't need to work if they would like to pick up the tab for our mortgage". Even though I do agree with him, I still think it's kind of rude to answer this way, though these people have no mind about how rude they are in digging into my life.
I am in shock that this is even a question in our day in age where most women I know work. Some work because they have to. Some work because they want to participate in the family finance and want some extra cash to kick in. Some work because of the combination of those two reasons. I am sure there are many, many more reasons why women and men for that matter work. Yet, I do not think that it is anyone's business which of these reasons is true for me!

How I love Ambiguous statements.

Over the past weekend I had the privilege of celebrating many simchas within our community. During one such event I got caught up in a conversation that I usually hate having. Yet, my interest was tweaked by a friend that was truly looking for advice in a ‘scientific’ category.
We started talking about organic foods and how the world has become so evil in the use of plastics everywhere and all these other EVIL things that are going on. This is where my attention usually gets exhausted and I find something else to occupy myself with, then to keep listening/ participating in such rubbish. Yet, again a phrase yanked me right back into this particular conversation. One person was stating to another that they know someone that eats exceptionally healthy, and unfortunately they were diagnosed with cancer…BUT because they ate so healthy and were so strong they were able to battle their cancer and thank g-d beat it. Now, I know this particular story (and the person whom the conversation was about). It is true that this person eats exceptionally well, and it is true that this person’s cancer is in remission. However the problem in this story is not the out come but the way the facts were presented.
The fact is this person had chemotherapy and that is why the cancer is in remission. Weather or not this person’s diet helped get them back on their feet faster or not is a point of contention, maybe, maybe not.
Then there was another blanket statement that went something on the grounds of “well, people that eat organic food are just healthier and are able to fight off infections and diseases better”. That’s when I decided that all glove were off and made a few blanket statements as well, really just to see the reaction I would draw from the crowd. Some statements went on the grounds of: “well most people that I’ve seen articles written about drank like fish smoked like it was their job and were really fat and lived to be 100 years old, so how do you explain that”? At which point some around said well that’s ridiculous, as to which I said “no more ridiculous than your ambiguous most people that eat blah blah blah are healthier”. How do you know what they ate, and how it affected them? Give me hard core statistics to prove anything organic is better than anything that isn’t? Give me numbers, theories or anything other than complete speculation and ambiguity. Apparently after that people were thinking way to hard to respond with anything other than, “well you know it’s just a topic to talk about”. I guess I always think that if someone is going to bring up points then the least they could do is prove that those points are accurate.

Materialism

“And I am a material girl, living in a material world” (Song by Madonna)

It is interesting that sometimes a person can have an entire thought process stop, and change because of something they hear in the background noise that is playing on the radio. Yesterday as my 35 mile (55 km) commute from work to home was coming to its end I switched stations to one that was playing that song. It started me thinking on our world. With so much going on in our lives I started to get all introspective about that one line in the song.

Wikipedia says the following: Materialistic describes a person who is markedly more concerned with material things than with spiritual, intellectual, or cultural values; an adherent of materialism.

So, that got me to think about where I stand on the matter. Do we live in a material world? Yes. Am I materialistic? Not completely. Why do I say that I am not completely materialistic? That is really for a few reasons. I can’t deny the premise completely because a little bit does exist in my life. For example, I live in a condo. If I were completely non-materialistic then I would live in a tent in wilderness, or at least in an apartment. My condo has furniture in it; if I were completely non-materialistic then it would have boxes, crates, or bins. Yet, the part of me that says that I’m not really materialistic is viewing the fact that I drive an older car that I love and don’t really want a new one. Yet another part of me says that hey, lets get real I live in a condo not a house if I was truly materialistic then I would have to live in a house. So the train of thought got me going on another very interesting point: does the meaning of materialism depend on your society, on your social standing and in what environment you live in?

My answer is yes, it does. For one group of people being materialistic is having a home (be it a condo or a house), having new furniture, and driving a new car, or any variation of the list. For another group being materialistic is wearing a $3000 wig, rather than a $10 hat or a $2 snood. For yet another group being materialistic is driving a Mercedes or a BMW rather than an Acura or a Lexus. I believe it all maters on personal belief and the environment where you live, where you choose to live. An example that I’ve seen being mentioned on blogs around is having a cleaning lady versus not having a cleaning lady. To one family having a cleaning lady is part of the family budget and is living within their means, to another it is living out of their means and it is more a case of keeping up with the Joneses (or Goldberg’s).

The truth behind it all is that materialism really doesn’t bother me. I think mainly because I’ve never really cared what other people do or say and I do what is right for me and my family. I don’t look down on people that are materialistic and I don’t look down on people that are not. However, what I do absolutely hate are people who say that they are one thing but behave and act as though they are another. That I’ve always hated.
I just cannot understand why people can’t be honest with themselves. Why is it that they stand their and portray one image and then turn around and do something that this image definitely is not a portrayal off. It reminds of the people that just wear the garb to be a religious Jew. They wear a black hat, and act high and mighty but then on a date with a girl they ask her if she wants to go to a hotel room (yup, this happened to my friend, if you are wondering she said no and told the shudhan, I’m so proud of her). So it is on this level that I am speaking about. What is the purpose of being fake? I guess that is one that has to be explored further. Whatever you are, just be proud of yourself. We are not put on this world to act for others in a way that you think that they think that you should be acting, unless of course you are an actor.

Dating!

Shidduchim

One must as themselves the following questions before going on a date: “am I ready to get married?” Although a lot of people answer yes to this question, their actions speak to the contrary. If you answer yes to this question then you answer yes to be committed to the person that you are marrying, you are saying that this person is now my family and their needs and wants come first. You are saying that your family is still incredibly important to you but it is now not your immediate family but your spouse is. A lot of single people that are currently nodding their heads in commitment to this stigma of “yes” I am ready to commit are picturing their lives exactly as they are now but with one extra addition. If you are lucky that is true. If you are lucky, you meet someone from the same city that you are from and you don’t have to move, you just have to make room. What if though, you are searching in your city and you get bupkas? What if there is nobody left to date? What if you have to travel to date? WHAT IF YOU HAVE TO MOVE? It is this last problem that I would like to address. It seems that a large number of singles feel that they should not have to move. They feel like, if the other party is serious as well then they would move and not them. Some singles even believe that the city that they are from is far more superior to the city that the other person is from and therefore they should not be expected to give it up. Well here is the shock for everyone that has ever tried to set up two people. At first glance these people you are trying to set up seem perfect for each other, until one of them whips out those incredible words which indicate “ah ah partner, I’m not moving anywhere”.
After one such comment to me I felt as though I wanted to reach through the phone and ring this person’s neck. If felt as though I have been betrayed by my single friend. My single friend had been saying that they don’t mind moving for years and now that there is this awesome boy they bring this piece of goodliness out! WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!
I feel like after soul searching I have figured out some of the problems. Though speaking to other singles and at one point in time being single my self I have heard tons of explanations on such behaviors. Some of those explanations included, ‘the older you get, the more set you are in your ways the less you are likely wanting to change’. Others ‘the more comfortable you get in your life style, the least likely you will want to change it’. Others still, ‘the people are just very attached to their families and are unable to invasion life without them’.
To all these I have a response. The first is of course the most ridiculous. The more set in your ways you are??? So then do the world a favor don’t get married at all because inevitably it will end in divorce because you are unwilling to compromise. The second, how comfortable are you when you are living with your parents and not having a moment of peace. How comfortable are you living with roommates and not having your own little corner to call home? How comfortable are you when you are going out alone and seeing everyone else in what seem like happy romances? The third is by far the best in my opinion. I love my family very much and feel that I too cannot be too far away from them. I feel like I need to be close enough in order to be able to jump in a car and be there in a few hours. Yet, there are families that are so smothering that a child physically doesn’t see how they will be with out their family at all. A couple blocks down the street is as far as they will go. Those are the ones to watch out for. Those are the ones that will have their families in your business all the time. Those are the ones that have no limits, no boundaries. Those are the ones that could potentially cause a divorce because their family will always come before their spouse and as we all know that is a recipe for a disaster.
So with all of that said. Are you ready to get married? If you are then I’ll be serious and try really hard on your behalf.
If you aren’t….stop yanking me around as if I were a yo-yo!

Good People!

What does it mean to be a good person?

When a conversation ensues about good people, what is the exact definition? It is interesting to hear some people’s explanations of who a good person is. Some people say that a good person is one that gives tzedaka. Others say that it is one that upholds all the laws. Yet, there is not one concrete consensus on what makes a good person. I was conversing with my gentile co-worker and it came out about making donations and or contributions to our respective charities. It really intrigued me to find out that they do not donate to any organization regularly; still she said if someone needed the money then she would give it over. Though, as the conversation continued I realized that her initial blanket statement was partially false. What she meant by helping people out was by donating her used items of clothing, or other used goods. However, with all of that said and done she did say that she helps out the family, this statement she proved by dropping a few numbers. A roughly calculated estimate would say that she does not donate anywhere close to 10% though she probably does donate to family about 5%. So, with all of that said, does this make her a good person? She educates her children, raises them with manners and respect, pays taxes and is a law abiding citizen. Is she a good person?
In my opinion she is. She works hard, pays her dues and lives her life the way she chooses to. Yet, if she was of the Jewish faith we would criticize this person to no end. She does not send her kids to a private school, she eats out all the time, and she doesn’t give enough charity. So, how could this person possibly be good?
Is it possible that our understanding of good and bad is skewed? Is it possible that we give more heed to someone wearing the garb but not practicing the basic principals of being a good person. Is it possible that we are too critical, to judgmental and too closed minded for our own good? I think that the answer is yes to all of the fore mentioned questions. I think that in the orthodox circles we feel that we are better than everyone else even though we do not show that off, even though we do not act the way that we should. There have been so many times where I hear two friends talking about religion and religious obligation; I hear them get so specific about one point that they lose sight of the big picture. When two friends are talking about being tznius and are going into so much depth about the length of a skirt or the color of a yarmulke and then turn around and speak loshon hora it makes me feel like I don’t want to associate or be associated with anything that the two women stand for. People are such hypocrites that they don’t see what they are doing to themselves, their family members or anyone else around them.
So does this mean that the hypocrites are bad people and everyone that lives their lives properly isn’t? If so, then what is the definition of proper? If the orthodox way of life is supposed to be proper, righteous, and overall good then why are so many of the orthodox people the exact opposite of everything listed? Why pretend to be something and somebody that a person is definitely not? Why not just live the way that you want to without having need or necessity to keep up an image and feel like an impostor?
I guess for now, all we can do is live our lives so that they are the best for ourselves and our families.

Shidduch Making/Dating Part 1

Why do people date? Really, its not fun, its expensive and nerve racking. So why do people date? We hope that the answer is to find the one and only one for them and to get married and be happy.
Why then are people just so weird! WHY? Why is it when a person is ‘read’ a guy that is an incredible man, who is everything that the girl is looking for, WHY DOES THE GIRL BECOME STUPID?
My personal experience with making shidduchim has not been so positive. I’ve given up for a few months but I’m slowly getting back into possibly doing it again.
My negative experience comes from people who say that they want one thing, but when presented with that thing CHANGE their minds and now want something completely different. Why is consistency bad? People are picky. I can definitely understand that, I used to be in those shoes too. Yet, being unrealistic is just sad for the person. My aunt who I love very much told me at a relatively young age (15) that everyone needs to know their own worth. At, that moment in time I though “this is horrible insight into life”. Yet, now I cannot agree with her more! I feel that people who are realistic and see themselves for who and what they are able to get over their own egos and date. People with over inflated egos and no perception of reality are unable to get over themselves to date. Now I’m not saying that this is everyone. I am however saying that I have seen this and I continue to see this. When a person thinks that they are gracing the world with their presence it is hard for them to go out with any guy, every guy is going to be below them. It is incredible to see great girls with unrealistic expectations.
So then comes this: why do they not have people giving them GOOD advice? Why is it that girls and boys a like get swarms of really bad advice about dating? It’s almost as if the person giving the advice is trying to destroy their chances of ever meeting Mr. Right. The other issue is why people think that Mr. Right has NO flaws. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERSON WITH NO FLAWS. I understand true issues such as, he has anger issues, she has anger issues, he has a shady past, and she has a shady past. Those are true concerns that should be looked into and not ignored. Yet, issues such as: he’s just to serious, she is smart, are ridiculous! Someone being too smart is now a bad thing? A MAN BEING SERIOUS IS A BAD THING? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!
Among the above mentioned issues I’d like to bring up a little thing called Dating etiquette. A lot of frum Jews have no idea what that means. Well here is a thought, when someone calls you and you BOTH arrange for a time to talk next, be available for that time…you arranged it, IT WAS NOT A SURPRISE! If someone leaves you a message, CALL THEM BACK! It is just polite behavior for a human being to have. It is only a matter of respect. What amazes me the most is the amount of respect people give to mundane issues, yet when it comes to something like being polite to someone you were introduced to all respect is thrown out the window. If you don’t want to date this person just tell the shuddhun or break it off yourself. Don’t lead someone around and around and around and then have it come to nothing because you were wasting their time. There is more coming this is just the beginning of this discussion!

Selfish Society

We live in a selfish society

On my way in to work this morning I heard the most interesting broadcast about American society and its selfishness. It appears that people have finally realized that Americans are selfish! The reason they realize this is because people are now refusing to have children. They don’t want the responsibility; they don’t want to grow up. People like their lifestyles and they don’t want to change because of little kids.
The best part was when the leader of the show declared that people don’t want to think that the cost of college is about $200000 and how will that effect retirement funds! This made me think of the Jewish way of life! We send children to private schools where the cost before college will equal way above $200000 more closely for one child it will be close to $400000 before they enter college years. So if the goyim are complaining about children and going off to college and how that affects their funds, how should we feel about all this?
I think this is like some people thinking that NY is the only place in America that Jews can exist. They have no idea how other people do it. Same as goyim they have no idea how other people do it. Whereas people, sending their kids to private schools have a real good idea how one can survive all of this.

Thoughts?