Why do people date? Really, its not fun, its expensive and nerve racking. So why do people date? We hope that the answer is to find the one and only one for them and to get married and be happy.
Why then are people just so weird! WHY? Why is it when a person is ‘read’ a guy that is an incredible man, who is everything that the girl is looking for, WHY DOES THE GIRL BECOME STUPID?
My personal experience with making shidduchim has not been so positive. I’ve given up for a few months but I’m slowly getting back into possibly doing it again.
My negative experience comes from people who say that they want one thing, but when presented with that thing CHANGE their minds and now want something completely different. Why is consistency bad? People are picky. I can definitely understand that, I used to be in those shoes too. Yet, being unrealistic is just sad for the person. My aunt who I love very much told me at a relatively young age (15) that everyone needs to know their own worth. At, that moment in time I though “this is horrible insight into life”. Yet, now I cannot agree with her more! I feel that people who are realistic and see themselves for who and what they are able to get over their own egos and date. People with over inflated egos and no perception of reality are unable to get over themselves to date. Now I’m not saying that this is everyone. I am however saying that I have seen this and I continue to see this. When a person thinks that they are gracing the world with their presence it is hard for them to go out with any guy, every guy is going to be below them. It is incredible to see great girls with unrealistic expectations.
So then comes this: why do they not have people giving them GOOD advice? Why is it that girls and boys a like get swarms of really bad advice about dating? It’s almost as if the person giving the advice is trying to destroy their chances of ever meeting Mr. Right. The other issue is why people think that Mr. Right has NO flaws. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PERSON WITH NO FLAWS. I understand true issues such as, he has anger issues, she has anger issues, he has a shady past, and she has a shady past. Those are true concerns that should be looked into and not ignored. Yet, issues such as: he’s just to serious, she is smart, are ridiculous! Someone being too smart is now a bad thing? A MAN BEING SERIOUS IS A BAD THING? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!!!
Among the above mentioned issues I’d like to bring up a little thing called Dating etiquette. A lot of frum Jews have no idea what that means. Well here is a thought, when someone calls you and you BOTH arrange for a time to talk next, be available for that time…you arranged it, IT WAS NOT A SURPRISE! If someone leaves you a message, CALL THEM BACK! It is just polite behavior for a human being to have. It is only a matter of respect. What amazes me the most is the amount of respect people give to mundane issues, yet when it comes to something like being polite to someone you were introduced to all respect is thrown out the window. If you don’t want to date this person just tell the shuddhun or break it off yourself. Don’t lead someone around and around and around and then have it come to nothing because you were wasting their time. There is more coming this is just the beginning of this discussion!
Thursday, May 22, 2008
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1 comment:
> Why do people date?
Speaking as a guy, because that's where the girls are, silly!
> Really, its not fun, its expensive and nerve wracking.
Well yeah, if it was enjoyable people would keep doing it forever and never get married. Staying single isn't approved of so the only other way to avoid the dating market is to get married.
It's like hospitals. Of course they're uncomfortable. We don't want you people actually WANTING to hang out there.
> Why then are people just so weird!
Hormones.
> WHY?
I SAID HORMONES!
> WHY DOES THE GIRL BECOME STUPID?
There's this gene, see, on the X chromosome, the DUMBLND1 gene that produces a protein that has an inhibitory effect on the female cerebral cortex. It's chiefly expressed in the situation you described, like cortisol gets made when you're under stress.
BTW, some guys have the gene too but they mostly find work as male models.
> My personal experience with making shidduchim has not been so positive.
You and the rest of the world.
> Why is consistency bad?
It's not bad but stubborn consistency isn't a good thing either. Maybe the guy thought he wanted a particular quality and then when he came face to face with it, realized it wasn't for him. Or maybe he's so desperate to impress you he's changing to meet what he thinks will be your approval.
> People with over inflated egos and no perception of reality are unable to get over themselves to date.
They make for lousy conversation too. The best thing to do with one of those is pretend to go to the washroom, sneak out to the parking lot, let the air out of two of his tires (so he can't just throw on the spare) and then at the end of the evening make him pay for you to take a cab home.
> So then comes this: why do they not have people giving them GOOD advice?
Good advice is considered the equivalent of apikorsus.
Look, on one hand a person should want to have perfection in a date. After all, you're looking for a life partner. Why settle for something that isn't everything you need? Ah, but everything you need and everything you want aren't the same thing, not by a long shot. A person needs to know themselves, know what they need and then develop a new model of perfection based on that.
> It’s almost as if the person giving the advice is trying to destroy their chances of ever meeting Mr. Right.
Yeah, so you've blundered onto the truth.
The other issue is why people think that Mr. Right has NO flaws.
'Cause he doesn't. Trouble is, lots of guys pose as Mr. Right but they're really imposters!
> A MAN BEING SERIOUS IS A BAD THING?
Depends what he's serious about. For example, if he's seriously thinks that Picard was a better captain than Kirk then you should be careful of his judgement.
> Among the above mentioned issues I’d like to bring up a little thing called Dating etiquette.
The small fork is for desert. Yeah, I know that one.
> A lot of frum Jews have no idea what that means.
They also don't know what the small fork is for.
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