What does it mean to be a good person?
When a conversation ensues about good people, what is the exact definition? It is interesting to hear some people’s explanations of who a good person is. Some people say that a good person is one that gives tzedaka. Others say that it is one that upholds all the laws. Yet, there is not one concrete consensus on what makes a good person. I was conversing with my gentile co-worker and it came out about making donations and or contributions to our respective charities. It really intrigued me to find out that they do not donate to any organization regularly; still she said if someone needed the money then she would give it over. Though, as the conversation continued I realized that her initial blanket statement was partially false. What she meant by helping people out was by donating her used items of clothing, or other used goods. However, with all of that said and done she did say that she helps out the family, this statement she proved by dropping a few numbers. A roughly calculated estimate would say that she does not donate anywhere close to 10% though she probably does donate to family about 5%. So, with all of that said, does this make her a good person? She educates her children, raises them with manners and respect, pays taxes and is a law abiding citizen. Is she a good person?
In my opinion she is. She works hard, pays her dues and lives her life the way she chooses to. Yet, if she was of the Jewish faith we would criticize this person to no end. She does not send her kids to a private school, she eats out all the time, and she doesn’t give enough charity. So, how could this person possibly be good?
Is it possible that our understanding of good and bad is skewed? Is it possible that we give more heed to someone wearing the garb but not practicing the basic principals of being a good person. Is it possible that we are too critical, to judgmental and too closed minded for our own good? I think that the answer is yes to all of the fore mentioned questions. I think that in the orthodox circles we feel that we are better than everyone else even though we do not show that off, even though we do not act the way that we should. There have been so many times where I hear two friends talking about religion and religious obligation; I hear them get so specific about one point that they lose sight of the big picture. When two friends are talking about being tznius and are going into so much depth about the length of a skirt or the color of a yarmulke and then turn around and speak loshon hora it makes me feel like I don’t want to associate or be associated with anything that the two women stand for. People are such hypocrites that they don’t see what they are doing to themselves, their family members or anyone else around them.
So does this mean that the hypocrites are bad people and everyone that lives their lives properly isn’t? If so, then what is the definition of proper? If the orthodox way of life is supposed to be proper, righteous, and overall good then why are so many of the orthodox people the exact opposite of everything listed? Why pretend to be something and somebody that a person is definitely not? Why not just live the way that you want to without having need or necessity to keep up an image and feel like an impostor?
I guess for now, all we can do is live our lives so that they are the best for ourselves and our families.
3 comments:
Well first of all I don't think that anyone in the Modern/Open Orthodox community would deny that your co-worker is a good person. The benchmark of a "good person" is very complex and certainly enrolling your children in public school wouldn't be a disqualifier.
to focus on a particular detail:
There's a difference of opinion whether 10% ma'aser kesafim is a mitzvah of a torah or rabbinical origin, or just a minhag. There're rabbis who will say to give 10% when you can, but it is not obligatory.
What is a good person?
Well, we know from Jewish tradition that God Himself is "good". Therefore I would suggest that to know what makes a good person, one must consider what makes God a good God.
The answer would be that God gives without demanding something in return. Yes, He gave us the mitzvos but He also gave us free will. A person lives irrespective of the amount of tzedakah he gives or cholov yisroel he drinks. All of this is a free gift from God.
Thus I would suggest that a person who gives freely to others of his time, kindness and energy without expectation of anything in return but simply because other people's happiness is his goal is the ultimate do-gooder and the standard we should strive towards.
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